With Lockdown set to continue it will only be a matter of time before we run out of fresh programmes on our televisions, so I thought why not make our own, can`t be that difficult, as easy as paying £100 for a concert ticket, then standing pointing your phone at the stage for an hour, then getting home to watch the three rows in front of you standing pointing their phones at the stage for an hour.
We can`t really afford to develop and pitch new ideas, too much effort involved there, much easier if we just adapt a few that have already been done, maybe tweak them here and there to reflect the situations we all currently face, possibly throw in a classic film or two for a Sunday afternoon.
So first up, a bit of music on our `Pick of the Pops Special` kicking off with Styx `Too Much Time On My Hands` moving on through the classic `Don`t Stand So Close To Me` by Police then George Thorogood and The Destroyers with `I Drink Alone`, Billy Idol `I Dance With Myself` and finishing with Gilbert O`Sullivan `Alone Again (Naturally)`
For daytime TV we`ll need to adapt a few, `4 in a bed` will need to become `1 in a bed` with flatmates swapping bedrooms for the night and inspecting each others rooms for dust on top of mirrors and hairy sponges before secretly scoring each other, then not talking to each other for a day after.
`Dinner Date` where singletons study 5 take away menus online, choose one then find out it is closed, start again till they find one that is open and can deliver. The winner is the one who gets a delivery before June.
`One Man and His Dog` fairly obvious really…
We could combine `Bargain Hunt`, `Car Booty` , `Flog It!` and `Cash in the Attic` into one big `Time Team` where contestants spend an afternoon in the attic looking at childhood toys, opening boxes from when they moved in 10 years ago and sorting into Keep, Charity Shop, Tip and Put to One Side as it would be fun to have a fondue dinner party one day. We could then introduce a twist to the show with a joker round called ` You could probably make a few quid on that off ebay`
Sunday mornings we could have some socially adjusted parables like the story of feeding a family on five loaves of banana bread and a tin of sardines ( Sorry, we had a lovely fish shop but not enough of you went there ) the one we all like about turning water into grape juice ( Sorry, doesn`t work with bottled water, nothing wrong with the clear stuff that comes out your tap ) and the Good Samaritans ( the ones you clap for at 8 o`clock on a Thursday )
Finally `Come Whine With Me` where viewers write in about popular topics of the moment, like why are horses allowed to poo in the street in Chorleywood when I`m not? could maybe rename that one `Only Fools and Horses` Editor’s note – been done already Michael
Oh! Sorry, I promised you some classic Sunday afternoon movies so in keeping with the theme I went looking for films with only 2 characters, of the 23 listed the one that caught my eye was Robert Mitchum and Deborah Kerr in `Heaven Knows, Mr Allison` During World War 2, an American marine and an Irish nun form an unlikely friendship after being stranded on a South Pacific island. They find comfort in one another as the two hope for a rescue. Nominated for 2 Oscars in 1957 with Deborah Kerr missing out on `Best Actress` to Ingrid Bergman in `Anastasia`
Hope my ramblings above aren`t too Pointless (see what I did there?)